Ramblings about a Future Kid

Now that it's been about 30 days since I last nursed.  (And you all were right-- it does get easier-- and while I loved nursing, it is nice to keep my shirt down all day!)  I am to the point where my OB said I might start a cycle again.  So of course I continue to think about the possibility of adding another child to our lives.  You can read more about that in my weaning posts when I closed the chapter for good here and wrote about tapering feedings here and here and here. 

Part of me is super excited about the idea of another kiddo... Another side of me is like-- are you CA-RAZY?!  My sister and I were about 16 months apart (both "accidents")... and I loved having a sister that close in age (most of the time, if we're being honest!).  So I'd hoped to have kids close in age.  As time ticked by and I knew having kids that close wasn't going to happen, I was a bit sad but I know the Lord knows what I can handle-- so maybe a bigger gap is what I need for sanity!  Anyway-- here's the pros and cons I look forward to with adding a kid (Lord willing) and in no particular order:

Happy Thoughts:

--I look forward to Running for two again someday!

--I am actually excited about the idea of giving birth again (hopefully naturally again and without induction)!  And seeing how we write a second birth story.  N's birth story in case you missed it.  It's a mega rush even if you don't know it at the time!

--I want my son to have a built in friend and playmate throughout his childhood and life

--Getting that newborn oohy-gooy kiss your face off, gummy smile, a year of milestones, meeting and bonding and nursing experience again.

--Seeing my husband hold his new son or daughter.  That expression of love and pride wrapped in a package that you can't fake if you tried.  (It's pretty sexy too)

--I expect to enjoy the changes of my body more the second time.  I just felt awkward the first go-round and paranoid about people always looking at my belly.


Other Thoughts:

--I know my husband thinks 2 kids is a good number-- so I am a little sad that the next round could be the last.  Last time to pee on a stick and see I'm pregnant, last time to tell the family, last time to give birth, last time to watch a child grow... My husband says this is negative and irrational thinking.  But at the earliest I will be 34 when I could have a 3rd child which starts to get close to being "high risk"... yeah-- that's a bit far out to think before even being pregnant with #2!  Hubs is right.

--Could we possibly love #2 like we love #1?  Will #1 get enough attendtion with a #2 around?  Will #2 get as much attention by having an older brother?

--One kid is so easy to take everywhere and to find a last minute sitter for.  Two.  Gotta be harder.

--Having that first month of having a newborn again.  Sleep deprivation.  Emotional roller-coaster.  Hard.



That's enough ramblings for a day...

No-- I am not pregnant.  Just baby fever.  Yes, this was not about running.  Maybe next time. 

PS-- The blister is healing up but still looks super ugly. Ew.